This is how it works...

...you're young until you're not, 

                  you love until you don't, 

                                   you try until you can't.

    Well, let me tell you, it's been a crazy couple weeks.  I've been on emotional roller coasters of the worst kind, the worst I can ever remember.  Reminiscent of Annie Camden going through menopause.  But I think I'm out of those by now, or at least I hope so, and I feel like it.  It was mostly just freaking out about the future, and how it's all going to be different than the past, and how I have very little reference as to what my life is going to be like, even for the coming summer.  But I've tried lately to focus more on the exciting changes, and the cool parts of the scary ones.  That's helped a lot.

    Easter weekend was fantastic.  My favorite memory from this entire school year.  I was intelligent leading up to it, so I didn't have much homework to do, and my boyfriend came with me to meet my family.  They were really great, he was really great, church was really fun, we decorated, hid, and found eggs, watched fun movies, ate amazing pizza, the weather was fantastic...So much fun.  I wish every weekend of my life could be like that.

    After that, though, I spent a good portion of my time late last week and a bit into the weekend freaking out about my Political Science paper about privatizing social security and my interview for being an Orientation Leader in the fall.  The outline for the paper is due on Friday and the interview was today.  Just an hour ago, actually.

    It was the most nerve-wracking thing I've experienced in a while.  Leading up to it, I was incredibly on-edge because I've never interviewed for something before.  I was interviewed by my school paper last year for a feature article of a noteworthy senior (that's me; who knew?)  but that doesn't count, considering a) I knew the interviewer really well from girl scouts and German class, b) there was nothing to lose from saying something stupid because she wouldn't have put it in the article, and c) I didn't have to dress up.  

    Dressing up.  Bah, I hate it.  Plus, the only times I have to dress up nowadays are the times when I have to impress someone or fit in with a crowd of people, and in either case, I'm already freaked out enough as it is, so dressing up just exacerbates the situation.  I'm paranoid that my skirt is riding up in back or that I have a huge ugly run in my tights or that my feet smell and I just don't notice or that my hair is doing something hideous without my permission...It's just not a good time.

    I feel like I was really quite calm during the actual interview though, and I was pretty articulate, and I feel like I played up my positives well, considering I'm generally terrible at that.  Still, just like with tests in school, when I feel like I did well, I always get more scared that I am blind to just how badly I did.  Right now, I'm worried that I had too low of expectations for myself since I've never had an interview before.  

    But I know I did as best as I could have, and I'm proud of myself for even trying.  In the end, I've decided that if I don't make it, whatever, I get an extra week of summer.  If I did make it, hooray!  Reason to celebrate.  I really just want to know now though; I'm not a patient person when it comes to these things.

    I've been watching A:TLA (perhaps you remember how much I like this show) a lot these past few days.  It's so good.  Not that I condone committing crimes, but you should find someway to watch the show if you can...coughsurfthechannelcough.  Watching that again is part of the reason I've returned to a regular emotional balance, because I'm something of an escapist and I haven't had anything to escape to lately.  I'm not reading any books, up until this weekend, I hadn't written anything in months, and watching The Office with my floor or crazy movies like Crash and American History X doesn't lend itself to my kind of mental holiday.  Anyway, I'm thankful to Aang, Zuko, Momo, and Appa for all their help.  And Ben, naturally, but he's not animated or a plushie.

    Well, that's your update.  And sorry for the rather...off-putting last entry.  I was in a valley there.  The sad thing is that in all this ridiculosity with my personality in the past few weeks, I never really got the highs.  Besides Easter, I was never really excessively happy.  That seems wasteful to me.  But I'm solid now.  And I have some British literature to read.  So bye.

<3 spadeALLcross

Hey, pee-ess, please pray for my friend Simon.  Even if you don't believe in prayer or God.  I desperately want something for him that doesn't look like it will happen, and the only thing I can do to help is pray, but my lone voice isn't going to be enough.