Random things in my life right now...

I spent most of this weekend home alone.  My house was quiet, empty, and I was happy with that.  I haven't spent much time alone--like where I felt like I was alone all around me, like no matter what I did, no one would get in the way.  It's not like the people in my life often get in my way, but it was a novel feeling, and I'm not even sure when the last time I felt like that was.  It could have been painful or lonely or any number of other unpleasantnesses, but it was welcome this weekend.

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In procrastinating writing a couple papers, I came across this thing I wrote in a letter to someone once.  It resonated with me and I wanted to share it with you.

I remember when I would have a bad dream at night, I would be too scared to get up and go to my mom, because I’m deathly afraid of the dark.  You probably know this…  So anyway, I’d yell for her, “Mom!  Mommy!  Mahhhhhhm!” and I’d hear her hurried footsteps, and I’d just pray over and over again that the monster or burglar or maniac killer wouldn’t jump into my room and close the door before she could get there.  I never realized that, if any of those things was lurking outside my room, she would fall prey just as much as I would.  I just thought she was too strong for them, that they would be scared of her immense power.  
My mom always seemed powerful to me.  She was above everything.  And she would come in and take me out of my crib and sit with me on the couch that was in my room and we’d point out pictures in the shadows on the wall cast by the streetlight outside my room, or by the cars as they drove by.  And when I was older she would come in and sit on my bed, and if I was really frightened, she would hold me as I cried and then sometimes I would ask her to sleep in my bed with me so if I had another bad dream she could be there right away.  And I always fell asleep and stayed asleep after that, and then I’d wake up in the morning and she’d be gone.

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My sister wrote me on Friday.  I haven't written her back yet.  But I intend to soon.  I like our pen-pal-ship.  I'm happy it's still afloat (badumchhh).


On her blog, she wrote this.  It resonated with me, too.



 I tried to remind myself this morning that God told the world that he was pleased with his son without him even having to do anything. I couldn’t seem to remember that it also applies to me. I don’t have to do anything to earn God’s love. I don’t have to do anything at all to be the apple of his eye.
I am who God has made to me to be. It is not so far away.


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On Thursday night, Ben and I stayed up late watching Star Trek: Voyager and making granola.  I spilled oil on a chair in his dining room and he put more honey in than he wanted to.  Now I'm sitting with my bowl of that granola on my lap...and the raisins keep rolling around and look like bugs out of the corner of my eye.  But I love the granola and the making-of-it experience anyway.


That's my life right now...this moment anyway.


Hope yours is swell!


<3 spadeALLcross