After all of these changes that have happened to me, where I was more or less a passive attender, at least to most of them, I knew that I had to start taking an active role in my own life. So the next important step along my new path was reflected a little in my post from August, where I talked about addictions. I didn't have a set agenda of "here are the things that I don't like about myself that I think I need to change otherwise my soul is doomed to eternal damnation," but at the same time, I knew that the way I was living my life was not compatible with what God wanted for me, and I wanted to change.
Why? For people who aren't religious or are anti-religious, that's probably a pretty serious question. I know that, for me, the question has cropped up more than once, "If God exists, loves me unconditionally, and made no mistakes when he made me, why would he want me to change who I was for him?" And, similarly, I have been asked the question, "Why would you want to let God control your life with a list of dos and don'ts?" I think I can answer in a way that we can mutually understand, even if we don't agree on the existence or importance of God. Let me know if I'm wrong about that.
I think the answer to the first question is rather simple, but I say that as a Christian, so I may be wrong. Humans essentially are animals with a more complex societal structure. We have physical bodies that have physical and emotional needs, like food, water, sex, relationships, etc, like most animals do, but we also have dynamic cultural groups that help us determine the best and right ways to fill those needs. Our parents, friends, teachers, random crickets and other societal buddies develop our conscience: they teach us, directly and indirectly, what foods are suitable to eat, how much water to use for what tasks, what kind of sex to have and when, what healthy or effective relationships look like, and so on. Sometimes our animal instincts fight against our social structures: my mom tells me to eat my peas because she knows they're good for me, but I don't like peas, so it makes sense that I wouldn't eat them. The USPS is socialized in order to reach more people, but I really just want to send my package quickly so I can go take care of other things. My hormones wouldn't mind me having sex when I'm 13, but my body doesn't realize the harm that could befall it if I made that choice.
Christians believe that it is our complex societal structure was created as "the image of God"; it's the divinity in us, and literally what separates us from the animals. Christians believe that, when functioning at top form, our societal structure should reflect God's perfect design for humanity. So, in those moments when our physical and emotional needs fight against of social upbringing, it's kind of like a battle between our divinity and humanity. What non-Christians call a conscience, Christians call the Holy Spirit. God wanted us to be humans seeking divinity, which is why we were created with flaws that would force us to struggle against ourselves. Everyone has internal struggles, and Christians don't even necessarily have more than non-Christians. They're just sometimes of a different nature.
On to the second question. While we don't want to completely disown our humanity, because it was given to us for a reason, we believe that God has a more holy call for us, one that does not always allow us to indulge in our physical and emotional desires. Our faith tells us that God's plan is better than one we could make for ourselves, and that it will meet our physical and emotional needs, just not necessarily in manners or timeframes we expect. In order to partake in God's perfect plan for our lives, we need the Holy Spirit to be in control of our humanity, so that we'll be in the right place at the right time, so to speak. Christianity is not a list of rules you must follow in order to get into heaven, it's a description of the kind of person whose conscience controls their humanity in such a way that they are a perfect conduit of divinity traveling from God to earth.
Certainly, if you are not a Christian, you don't believe that God is something you want to deliver to the earth, but you have other things, agendas, goals you want to deliver to the world around you, and you probably believe that, in any situation, there are correct and incorrect ways of delivering those agendas. It's the same thing, it's just that my agenda is God's.
In my post from early August, I talked about addictions and how they're present in places other than just illicit substances. Overcoming addictions is one of the big parts of being a Christian: the first commandment is "God is the only God. Worship no other idols." Anything that I could put before God, hold higher on my priorities than following God's plan for me, is a sort of idol. I need to eschew all other idols, because they distract me from my real goal. So, over the summer, that's what I started to do.
That's a whole other post right there, and a bit of it is quite personal, so I'm not going to go into detail. Plus, this post is already dragging on, and I'm quite pleasantly surprised you've willingly come this far. All I really want to say on this point is that I am struggling daily with things I've never bothered to struggle with, simply because the struggle was too hard. The struggle is exciting, though, and I'm really enjoying myself in what I swear is a completely non-masochistic way. I just mean, at this stage in the game, I'm feeling immediate relief, and seeing that change is really energizing. At some point, the immediacy of results will taper off and the excitement will be harder to find, but as this stage strengthens my resolve and my faith, I feel confident that I will be able to stick it through. I'm not alone, after all: I believe in a God who will be with me through everything, who does not put me into situations and leave me there, and who doesn't let me get in over my head.
So this leads me up to this point. In my next post, the probable conclusion to the "About Mary" mini-series I've been constructing, I'll talk about my goals for the future...which are really the only reason I started this whole blog project in the first place...way back in Freshman year.
Goodnight and goodluck.
<3 spadeALLcross
No comments:
Post a Comment