Yeah right. I wish. Three frickin' weeks left. I just want to go back now. I mean, I love summer, and not having a specific schedule to follow (except for work) and I'm going to Six Flags next week, and maybe Chicago this Saturday, and summer's great...but I just want it to be over now. It's dragging on, and I have to say goodbye to all my friends, watching them leave for school and leaving me behind...I'm getting pretty stir crazy and depressed. The only thing keeping me afloat at the minute is my book that I'm rewriting. I already bought most of my furnishings, I know which dorm is mine, I know my schedule...I just want to get it over with and get there already. Seriously, this is getting ridiculous.
One of my best friends left last night for Carnegie Mellon. She told me last week that she was leaving soon, but I completely forgot, so it hit me kind of hard that I didn't say goodbye. Her birthday is on Saturday, too, and I got her a present and everything (I'm not really good at that) but now I have to mail it to her, and it's just not the same.
My ex-boyfriend leaves at the end of next week, and as strained as that relationship is, I still can't help feeling that, because I am now hyper-aware of the departure dates of my friends, I should find someway to see him and say goodbye.
My best friend leaves next Saturday...and that just hurts the soul.
I feel like I'm being left behind. I'm not leaving until two weeks after my high school starts classes. That's just weird to me. I have to say goodbye to all of my friends there, too. If I had left earlier, it would have been easier: they would be saying good bye to me, getting it all over in one shot. This way just sucks.
Not only that, but my high school's Marching Band Camp started this week, and it reminded me of all the things I'm desperately going to miss about high school. No, nothing involving a flute or a disgusting equivalent. But, call me a nerd, band was probably the best part of my life for the past four years: all the friends I made, all the fun music we played, all the great bus rides to and from crazy competitions...I get slightly choked up just thinking about not having any of that anymore. Calvin doesn't have a marching band (they don't even have a football team) so even if I wanted to do it again in college, I couldn't.
But not just Band. Just watching all my old high school friends bashing around in the parking lot with their music and their crazy director made me think of all the teachers I'm going to miss, like my friend Mr. Hays who comes back this year after a year in China, and all the good times I had, like decorating my disgruntled-Santa-elf of a friend's locker every day before winter break. All the memories are just that, memories. I'll never really relive any of that ever again. It's just kind of getting me down right now. I know I'll have great times in college and beyond, and I'll eventually get over this sadness, but all the stupid reminders are kind of obnoxious.
Plus I was just looking at my roommate's facebook: she's way prettier than me. And now I'm starting to freak out about whether or not we'll get along. I'm hard to live with, quite literally. I'm something of a weirdo, in case you haven't noticed.
Anyway, I'm having a minor anxiety attack...I'm sure it'll pass, but I didn't want to talk to anyone about it, because I am mostly still just excited about going, and I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.
So thanks for being there...if you're there.
1 comment:
*hugs* I'm sorry we didn't get to say goodbye. I feel pretty terrible about that myself. I found myself with a few days left and so much I hadn't done to get ready. I didn't say goodbye to anyone very much at all. I saw Rich, obviously, but that's about all.
But you know as well as I do that those are just excuses. I was actually afraid to see you to say goodbye. There's only so much crying I can do in a month. But I'll be home for Thanksgiving. Maybe I'll see you then?
Keep me informed on what goes on with you. I want to hear about the roomie situation. I'm going to start blogging in the next few days. I'll let you know when that starts.
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