Midterm: Conquered

So today was a little more productive than yesterday.  I finished cleaning my room, played some neopets (oh dear...yes, I know...but it was just the Mah Jong...I promise) and then took my car in for an oil change and tire rotation and all that jazz.  Something was cracked and some other thing was wearing down or something, and I maybe should ask more questions and learn something about cars, but I decided to just let them fix it all so that I could feel safe when I drive to Missouri this weekend for my friend's wedding.

Then I came home and studied for my midterm, napped, and studied some more.  Then I went and took the midterm, and probably owned it, though I also got massive cramps in my hand.  That was a lot of writing; maybe the most hand-writing I've ever done in college.  It was pretty intense.

The sad thing is that of all the stuff I studied, none of it I learned from this class that I'm taking.  All the stuff I learned was from my religion classes, my Islam class, my high school, junior high, and even elementary school classes, as well as stuff I picked up from the History channel.  This professor is...dismal.

After class, I watched How I Met Your Mother on TV with my mom.

Tomorrow, I'm going to watch Annabelle for the day.  Should be fun and exhausting simultaneously.

<3 spadeALLcross

Case of the Mondays? Not here.

Woof!  Today I did things!  It was great!

1)   Cleaned my room a bit.  Not completely finished, but major headway has been made, let me tell you.  I hadn't finished cleaning after moving back in for the summer, so...well it's better now.  Let's not dwell on the past.

2)   Went to the library and picked up a couple new books about Homosexuality and Christianity, and also one by Jim Wallis about "an alternative to the Christian Right."  I still have to finish Do Not Ask What Good We Do, so I don't know how quickly I'll get to these.  Also, I have a midterm this week.  We'll just see.

3)   Made Annabelle a time-out glitter timer.  I'm going to post pictures and instructions on my other blog, but I've got to get them off my camera, which means getting up to cross the room and...meh.  Not right now.

4)   Made a thing to hold and display my necklaces and bracelets!  Woo!  I've been needing one for a while, since I used command hooks back in Grand Rapids.  I like this one and may keep it for a while, even when I go back to Michigan.  Again, gonna post pictures and how-tos on my other blog eventually.

5)   Went to class.  Ugh.

6)   Watched four episodes of How I Met Your Mother.  I have never seen a full episode before; I like it more than I thought I would.

Okay, I've got stuff to do tomorrow.  Let's see if it happens.

<3 spadeALLcross

Lazy Sunday, woke up in the...morning...

So, today I did some very interesting things!  Hooray for doing something with my life!

1. I finished reading Game of Thrones!  And later I went out to buy Clash of Kings.  I'm going to be writing a review of GoT soon over on my other blog, but I was too busy to do it today.
2. I wrote a movie review for my other blog, but I'm not posting it until later; I find that I need some time to sit on my opinions before posting them on the internet.
3. I helped make lunch for my family.  It was a feast of appetizers: my mom had wrapped some pineapple in slices of prosciutto, and I grilled some shrimp and some steak and some tomatoes.  That took up most of the afternoon, between the prep and the actual grilling, but I like to think it was worth it; it was really good food.  I am pleasantly surprised that even I can make tasty food when I follow a recipe correctly.  I am slowly (and by slowly I mean with the epic charging speed of a glacier) learning how to cook.  
4. I went to Khol's and bought a dress to wear to the wedding I'm going to this week as well as some jewelry to go with it.  It's so nice to have a disposable income again.
5. I watched Legend of Korra with Ben via skype.
6. I was betrayed by my ally in Diplomacy.  He was playing England, so I sent him a message on facebook:

"When you play the Game of Thrones, either you win or you die."

I can only hope he got the joke.

Anyway, very full day.  And tomorrow has a lot in store for it, as well.  

<3 spadeALLcross

The time is coming [the walrus anticipates]...

What?  Yes!  Please!

So much excitement, I can't even.

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Oh yeah...

...I also remember how much I love Avatar: The Last Airbender.  Not the movie.  Never the movie.






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If I close my eyes tonight...

I've been in a weird funk all day. This morning was great, when I woke up and was all well-rested and stuff, and it was even raining a little so the humidity wasn't as bad, and I even got to use my blanket for the first time since moving in. But then it went steadily downhill all day. My guess is that I was just lonely for most of the day, watching Psych by myself on usanetwork.com and waiting for the UPS guy/Ben to come.

Ben came first, and when he did, I got really tired all of a sudden. And then the UPS guy came, and I was hyper. Then we went to see Inception, but ended up going to a later show than we had anticipated, so we went to Meijer first (yes, I've been there every day this week except for Sunday...) to get some screws for Ben's foosball table. Then we saw the movie, and it was great. Again. Then I went home, ate some dinner, tried to watch The Guild, failed, and went over to Ben's, and ended up just watching Psych on TV. Only this time, Nelson was there, so it wasn't all bad. And then I fell asleep. Ben woke me up in time for the Colbert Report, but I fell asleep during that too.

Funk. Gah. Obnoxious. I really wanted and tried to be awake tonight. Failed.

Anyway. Tomorrow, I'm going to Calvin to pick up an employment slip, playing some Mario Kart with some friends, and then going home for the weekend. Then classes start on Tuesday.

Summer is officially over.

<3 spadeALLcross

I'm too excited to get to sleep to be able to blog effectually.

Really busy day today. Mom came up and we bought/moved in my furniture and clothes and books, and then went out to lunch and dinner. It was great, and there's more that I should say, and I need to post pictures and stuff, but they're going to have to wait, because I've missed sleeping in a bed. Also, my room isn't set up properly yet, as someone else's desk is in here waiting to be moved out. So I'll hit you up with those some time next week.

Then Carley and I watched Gilmore Girls. It was very adventurous, as we had to get innovative with our seating, and we almost had to improvise on the connection from the DVD player to the television. But it all worked out, and everything's great. I'm psyched about life right now.

But not too psyched to sleep. Catch ya later.

<3 spadeALLcross

How could I dance with another when I saw her standing there?

Today was a lovely day! I got so much stuff done, and had fun, and spent money, but not too much...lovely day.

Got home from Cari's, showered, then went out with my mom. We went to Khol's to get me some professional clothes for both any job that I might get and for my upcoming semester of observing students in their natural habitat. I fit into everything I tried on, and had enough money to buy a good amount of clothes. We also went to PNC and opened a new bank account for me! Hooray! Now I can deposit money into my account while I'm in Michigan, and get money from ATMs instead of just the cash-back at Meijer. That was always a challenge...I had to buy, like, a pack of Ramen or something just so I could get money to pay someone back for something.

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, as I recall. I finished ripping Dune Messiah and started Children of Dune. I also started watching a TV show called Life that a friend had recommended to me. The characters do creepy facial expressions sometimes, and the main character has a weird mouth/lisp thing, but it's a pretty good show.

Tomorrow, I'm getting a haircut and a pedicure, and babysitting. I should also pack up my clothes.

And now, a word from our sponsors.

<3 spadeALLcross

Psst...can you keep a secret?

...I'm not actually posting this on the 18th. I slept over at Cari's house on the 18th, so I didn't have my computer. Don't tell anyone...

But it was a very productive day, all things considered. Ripped another audiobook (Nineteen Minutes) shipped a sold textbook, packed up the rest of my books, and burned a [non-functional, but who knew that?] DVD. Then we celebrated RC and Dennis' birthdays over an excellent steak dinner, which was fun. After dinner, Cari and I went to Best Buy to get her TV for school, which was also kind of fun, and then we went to her house and watched The Office. I am now almost completely caught up, except for the last two episodes from the fourth season, and I don't know how many episodes from the sixth season. I'm not über excited about those, though, so whatever.

Cari leaves Friday for school. Carney leaves Thursday. Summer is ending. Curses.

Tomorrow (Thursday), I'm going shopping with my mom, and I need to rip some more CDs.

<3 spadeALLcross

Holy vigilante billionaires, Batman!

Today was a great day. I didn't see it coming, and then, BAM! Most everything went well today, and the things that didn't were minor.

I watched Annabelle, who, aside from a few minor altercations early on in the day, was a gem. She's gotten into an annoying phase recently, but she was really excellent today. We called her daddy while he was at work and left a happy birthday message on his voicemail, and then we finger painted on a card for him, and then we played in soap...for reasons obvious to me and not her. And when nap time came, there were no issues at all. I just said, "Annabelle, you remember that timer that we set five minutes ago? It's going off now. Do you remember what that means?" and she put down her toy and said, "Yes. Nap time." And she picked up her blanket and stuffed Eeyore, kissed Papa goodnight, and let me carry her upstairs. I was so shocked that I forgot to give her her allergy medicine at first, and had to run back up afterwards.

I finished burning those CDs, not ripping the other ones, though. Kind of forgot completely about those...schwoops. Did get the CD case, though it was a jankity one...the only one I could find. Listened to my aunt on the internet radio, ding-dong-ditched Carney to return some computer gadgetry that he left at our house (just like old times, when I thought DDD was so mysterious and cool).

Watched Glee and The West Wing with my family, including my two older brothers whose birthdays we're going to celebrate tomorrow. And I got both of them birthday presents this year! And it wasn't even hard to think of what to get them! I was a total pro.

Well, even a blind dog finds a fire hydrant every once in a while.

Woah! Sponsors! They're covering my desktop! Insane!

Tired of the insincere; gonna give all my secrets away...

Power was out this morning when I woke up. A little upsetting, but...meh. I wrote a letter (that's right, I handwrite things and put them in envelopes and even occasionally put stamps on them. Karazay!), did some paperwork for the bank, wrote an email (that didn't send until the power came back on) and then, once my dad's computer was up and running, I burned 4 of the 6 DVDs I needed to burn (as well as light-scribing them) ripped a bunch of audiobooks to my hard drive, including Dune and Old Man and the Sea and the beginnings of Nineteen Minutes and The Hour I First Believed. Through all this, I was running out, getting gas in my car, trying to find a CD case to fit all the DVDs I was burning, and generally making a fool of myself. But it's okay; I drive a Prius. Then we had dinner, I went out with a friend, came back, talked to God for a while, and am now going to bed.

Tomorrow, I'm watching Annabelle. During her nap, I plan on burning some more DVDs and ripping some more CDs, as well as possibly searching again for a CD case, and probably at least thinking about packing either clothes or books. Once her father gets home and takes over her care...I don't know what I'll do. Probably nothing of consequence. Certainly nothing productive.

But let me tell you, I love my friends. I've got a lovely bunch of them, and I don't know where I'd be without them. Each of them has changed my life in startling ways, some more recently, more often, or more positively than others, but whatever. If you are my friend (and, I'm kind of assuming you are at this point, since my readership is probably hovering around five people) I really appreciate you, even if I don't tell you often enough in person.

No sponsors. Go watch thedailyshow.com. It's a hoot sometimes.

<3 spadeALLcross

Monotonous Litany...

Clean my room, watched Dylan, watched Inception, watched Star Trek, watched The West Wing, watched The Office. In that order.

Did other, less television- and little-child-related things too, but have to get to bed now. I'll brief you later, if I deem that action necessary.

<3 spadeALLcross

What makes it a..."sonic" screwdriver, though?

Freelance day, as a rule. Woke up, impromptu-taking-care-of-Annabelle hour, then kind of nothing for a while, then random-hang-out-with-Molly hour-ish, then dinner, then unplanned-movie/DVRed-television-show-watching bit, then Dr. Who (first this, then some of this, and always, a lot of this).

I'll write yesterday's blog tomorrow. (It seems the doctor has rubbed off on me a bit...)

Ta!

<3 spadeALLcross

This is how it works...

...you're young until you're not, 

                  you love until you don't, 

                                   you try until you can't.

    Well, let me tell you, it's been a crazy couple weeks.  I've been on emotional roller coasters of the worst kind, the worst I can ever remember.  Reminiscent of Annie Camden going through menopause.  But I think I'm out of those by now, or at least I hope so, and I feel like it.  It was mostly just freaking out about the future, and how it's all going to be different than the past, and how I have very little reference as to what my life is going to be like, even for the coming summer.  But I've tried lately to focus more on the exciting changes, and the cool parts of the scary ones.  That's helped a lot.

    Easter weekend was fantastic.  My favorite memory from this entire school year.  I was intelligent leading up to it, so I didn't have much homework to do, and my boyfriend came with me to meet my family.  They were really great, he was really great, church was really fun, we decorated, hid, and found eggs, watched fun movies, ate amazing pizza, the weather was fantastic...So much fun.  I wish every weekend of my life could be like that.

    After that, though, I spent a good portion of my time late last week and a bit into the weekend freaking out about my Political Science paper about privatizing social security and my interview for being an Orientation Leader in the fall.  The outline for the paper is due on Friday and the interview was today.  Just an hour ago, actually.

    It was the most nerve-wracking thing I've experienced in a while.  Leading up to it, I was incredibly on-edge because I've never interviewed for something before.  I was interviewed by my school paper last year for a feature article of a noteworthy senior (that's me; who knew?)  but that doesn't count, considering a) I knew the interviewer really well from girl scouts and German class, b) there was nothing to lose from saying something stupid because she wouldn't have put it in the article, and c) I didn't have to dress up.  

    Dressing up.  Bah, I hate it.  Plus, the only times I have to dress up nowadays are the times when I have to impress someone or fit in with a crowd of people, and in either case, I'm already freaked out enough as it is, so dressing up just exacerbates the situation.  I'm paranoid that my skirt is riding up in back or that I have a huge ugly run in my tights or that my feet smell and I just don't notice or that my hair is doing something hideous without my permission...It's just not a good time.

    I feel like I was really quite calm during the actual interview though, and I was pretty articulate, and I feel like I played up my positives well, considering I'm generally terrible at that.  Still, just like with tests in school, when I feel like I did well, I always get more scared that I am blind to just how badly I did.  Right now, I'm worried that I had too low of expectations for myself since I've never had an interview before.  

    But I know I did as best as I could have, and I'm proud of myself for even trying.  In the end, I've decided that if I don't make it, whatever, I get an extra week of summer.  If I did make it, hooray!  Reason to celebrate.  I really just want to know now though; I'm not a patient person when it comes to these things.

    I've been watching A:TLA (perhaps you remember how much I like this show) a lot these past few days.  It's so good.  Not that I condone committing crimes, but you should find someway to watch the show if you can...coughsurfthechannelcough.  Watching that again is part of the reason I've returned to a regular emotional balance, because I'm something of an escapist and I haven't had anything to escape to lately.  I'm not reading any books, up until this weekend, I hadn't written anything in months, and watching The Office with my floor or crazy movies like Crash and American History X doesn't lend itself to my kind of mental holiday.  Anyway, I'm thankful to Aang, Zuko, Momo, and Appa for all their help.  And Ben, naturally, but he's not animated or a plushie.

    Well, that's your update.  And sorry for the rather...off-putting last entry.  I was in a valley there.  The sad thing is that in all this ridiculosity with my personality in the past few weeks, I never really got the highs.  Besides Easter, I was never really excessively happy.  That seems wasteful to me.  But I'm solid now.  And I have some British literature to read.  So bye.

<3 spadeALLcross

Hey, pee-ess, please pray for my friend Simon.  Even if you don't believe in prayer or God.  I desperately want something for him that doesn't look like it will happen, and the only thing I can do to help is pray, but my lone voice isn't going to be enough.

We can't stay like this forever...

    Well, this has certainly been an interesting day.  One that I'll never forget.

    Let me start from the beginning.  I was supposed to start taking my Secondary Ed. classes this semester, but they were closed by the time I registered, so they told me to start taking them in the fall.  If I had been in EDUC 102 this semester like I was supposed to be, I would have known earlier that I had a preliminary departmental exam to take this week that would ultimately decide my aptitude as an instructor.  As it was, I found out on Monday when the "reminder" email was sent out to all the first-year education students.  After a powwow with some of my education friends, we all signed up to take the test yesterday morning at 8:00.  It was standardized scantron and we got our scores back over the internet this morning.  

    I failed.  Not just nerd-failing, not just didn't-meet-my-own-too-high-expectations failed.  I failed miserably.  I checked my score first thing after waking up, and then checked my email immediately afterwards to see that my education advisor had asked me to come in and see her later.  So I set up a meeting with her over my lunch break and prayed for the next two hours that there would be some way I could recover from this blow.

    During my first class of the day, American Government, we had guest speaker, a Calvin Alum, come in for about thirty minutes and talk to us about a political science mock-umentary mini-series starting next summer on NBC.  He said the show would be a cross between "The West Wing" and "The Office," and though I generally have a very low view on recycled television, the show actually sounded pretty interesting, both entertaining and informational.  He said it was going to be Hollywood's good-will service to America in trying to inform the public about how politics works as well has how current events are affecting everyday people.

    Luckily, that presentation took my mind off of my current program predicament and I was able to pay attention fully.  Otherwise this day would be much more of a heap than it is.  But more on that later....

    After class, I went straight to my advisor's office.  She explained to me the heart-wrenching news that the secondary education program does not take students who received as low a score as I did on the departmental entry exam.  She said that people who achieve my level of failure generally have psychological obstacles that would keep them from thriving in a teaching position, and that could endanger their students, in which case they believe that our vocation lays somewhere else.

    I was...a mess.  This cesspool of emotions from righteously angry (I am not a psychologically blocked, okay?) to considerably distraught.  Education has been my one dream for as long as I can remember.  And now I find out that I'm in no way qualified to even try it out.  I skipped my next class and tried to sleep off my depression.  It didn't work, really, because I kept waking up really sharply and bursting into tears.  

    That all lasted until about 1:00.  I gave up the nap as a bad job and got up to check my email again.  I don't know what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn't what I got.  

    The presenter from my Poli-sci class had emailed me over KnightVision (my school's internet networking thing) to tell me that my Brit-Lit Prof had given him my name.  He was looking for students who might be interested in internship positions in Calfornia with his new show over the summer.  He asked if we could meet before he left at the end of the day.  So we set up a conference at 2:30 as soon as I got out of class.

    So here's the final deal: God has closed a door and opened a window to a brighter world.  I can't even describe how thankful I am for the opportunity that I have been given.  I talked to Jared (the producer and director of the show) and ended up telling him the whole sad story about my exam debacle and subsequent lack of a major.  I told him that I didn't even know if college was going to be worth it if I couldn't get my teacher's certification.  It's a fear that's been running through my head for the past couple of days as I felt my future hanging in the balance, that, since all I've ever wanted to do was teach, now I won't be happy in any job.  

    But Jared then started explaining his plan to me, and, I must confess, I'm more excited about working for him on that set than I've ever been about anything before.  He said also that, through his trips to college campuses all over the country, he's found dozens of willing interns, and he could set me up with their information so we could all work together about finding housing in the area around the studio.  He and his wife have a good network of friends in LA who would all be willing to be host families for some of the students, though there would have to be an application process.  

    So I picked up an application.  

    And I asked Jared if there would be a possibility for me to be on set year-round, instead of just during this one summer.  He said that he hadn't thought of it, but that he'd definitely think about it, and that it could probably work out.  I'd probably have to work my way up with some effort into a paid position, but that would be even better.

    So my day went from awful to blessed in less than six hours.  

    I'm not saying that I'm definitely dropping out of Calvin, but I won't lie, I'm considering it deeply.  I think that Hollywood would be a great place to find my niche while trying to serve God.  And this show is such a good idea with such great motives.  Talk about engaging God's world; we'd be reforming a medium that has been using it's mass-communication efforts to manipulate the public for far too long.  I feel absolutely called to do this, and I'm so excited.

Wish me luck!  And pray for me!

<3 spadeALLcross

Hey! Hier Kommt Alex!

    This is the first entry I've done at night in a long time.

    It was very blustery weather today.

    I got a twitter this week to keep up with my best friend who's in college two states over.

    My boyfriend and I speak German to each other.  My sentences are generally longer than his, and they stay German for longer.

    My English Lit professor handed out scholastic book orders today in class.  Blast from the past, yo.  Why do little kids get to get their books so cheap?

    While reading Chaucer, my friend Jonas (his real name is Luke...) and I broke off into a long discussion about the amazingness of Lord of the Rings.  Evidently, we both fantasized in our youth about building and living in a Hobbit hole.  And evidently neither of us has really given up that dream quite yet.

    I was so excited that ate too many grilled cheeses this week on Grilled Cheese day.  Whoops.

    "The Office" is a rerun this week.  There go the two things I was looking forward to...

    I decided a couple ideals I have about my potential someday children and how I'm going to raise them.  Now I'm kind of tempted to have children.  That is exceptionally selfish of me, I know, that I want to have children just so I can name them and read to them in Middle English.  But so what.  They'll thank me later.

    I think I may want to write young-adult books for a living.  I'd never cut it as an adult writer, and I love the idea of infecting young minds with a love of literature...

    The song from where this entry gets its name is based on a book that involves machinery and colors... Can you figure out what?

<3 spadeALLcross

You can't take the sky from me.

    Last week was a bit intense due to a crazy five-day Japanese schedule (I lost my sleep-until-noon Wednesday...not happy about that) and some tests and meetings and papers and insanity such as that.  However, that week is over now, and I have begun another crazy couple of days, after which, hopefully, my week will slow down again.

    Monday last marked my first college test.  Or at least, I thought it was a test, and so freaked out sufficiently the night before when I saw it in my planner and began a scramble to shove all sorts of too-similar Japanese vocabulary words and phrases into my head.  As luck would have it, when I went to class, I saw no one else freaking out in their seats, and then he passed out the paper, and I saw why: in big letters across the top was the [English] word "Quiz."  Quiz.  Well, gee, if I had known that, I would not have had what was later referred to by my floor-mates as a nervous breakdown in the lobby the night before.  I mean sure, I guess I copied it into my planner wrong, but that's still just a sick joke.  

    10 questions.  I had memorized more than 50 japanese words and phrases.  Crap.  

    And that pretty much set the tone for the week.  As the days wore on, I proceeded to forget necessary class things in my room, skip lunch only to find I had run out of sustaining food days earlier, and sit in front of a blank screen for hours, trying to come up with a suitable beginning to my autobiography, and much much more.  

    Until Friday, when I just got so fed up I stopped trying.  Once classes were over, I made no attempt at homework, studying, or even thinking too much.  However, I still managed to have an uneventful night for the most part, breaking down boxes in the kitchen for an hour or so, then helping Christine wash and dry the dishes, then hanging around for a couple hours waiting for Theotherben to get back from Meijer so we could watch Serenity.

    And this is where things started getting interesting. [SPOILER ALERT]

    That movie doesn't have any down time; I swear it was a perpetual action scene or emotional climax.  Not to mention my favorite character dies in possibly the worst way a character is able die in a movie.  But what is worse is that someone I thought was a trustable source of Firefly-esque information turned out to be a no-good, low-down, double-crossing snake in the grass liar.  He told me that, and I quote, "One character dies."  And earlier on in the movie, one character does die, and it happens to be a character that I have no particular affinity for.  So I thought I was off the hook and was not going to lose anyone, you know, important.  

    But I did.  And I was a little frustrated at Bigben for that.

    Furthermore, I don't know what it is about this movie, but I cannot convince myself that some of its aspects don't exist somewhere out in the black.  Mostly, the Reavers.  Yeah, I don't even want to talk about how much that whole concept disgusts and scares me.  Except to say that, since my roommate was out for the night at her boyfriend's school and I was left all alone in my room, I had a hard time getting to sleep that night.  There were gymnastics, loud music, and night lights involved.  

    So anyway, I'm still not sure if I liked that movie or not.

    Then Saturday.  That was a lovely day.  At the time, it felt a little hectic and wasteful, but in retrospect, it really wasn't any of those things.  Well, yes it was, but I'm okay with that now.  It started at 11:00 when we had a dorm "retreat" (we all went out to the parking lot, ate lunch, listened to the story of Noah and the Ark and how it relates to the new wing, and then went shopping at various locations for stuff for our floor lobbies) and continued at 4:00 with a serious soccer game.

    Let me just tell you, that that game, more than anything else I've experienced in these past...what...three weeks? of college took me away from all previous experiences and out of my comfort zone (quite literally, as I am still quite sore some two days later).  I felt like Edward Scissorhands at a cake decorating convention.  I had a whole lot more to write on that subject, but this post is already breaking zoning laws on length, so I'll just move on.

    Then I went to Meijer again and spent way too much money, but at least I have food to eat when I skip organized meals, which happens always during the breakfast hour a lot during the lunch hour on study days.  And now I don't have to live solely on ramen, turkey jerky, and fruit leather, which is exciting.

    So little homework was done that night, though I wrote the insides of my autobiography, saving the introduction and conclusion until...oh.  Today.  Right.  I should get on that soon.

    Sunday was church at Ada Bible.  Which I identified as a WCA church almost immediately, though I'm not sure why.  That makes me like it more, though that doesn't take much, as the pastor talks too fast and the people I met aren't really friendly.  

    After church was homework until dinner (one of the study days without an organized lunch) and then we hung out in the lobby until LOFT*.  Which was moving.  And I took communion again.  Does twice in one day make me a better person?  Don't ask my floor-mate Richard: he has a tendency to start raucous theological debates at the drop of a hat.

    And then we stayed up until 2:00 with no purpose, discussing which names we thought had negative or positive connotations and how people have proposed to their significant others in the past and whether or not the parking lot outside our dorm is a good place for ghost in the graveyard.

    I will let you get back to your regularly scheduled day now.  My friends may you grow in grace.

<3 spadeALLcross

* Yesterday's LOFT isn't up there as of yet, but it will be, and I encourage anyone interested to listen to it.  I'm not sure how much I agree with, but he does present some interesting points.

Radio is much the same thing, except without the cat.

    This weekend ran rampant with firsts.  

    Friday night was Iron Man with most of my floor.  They showed it free of charge in our auditorium in HD.  It was pretty sweet, let me tell you.  It was my first "official" college Friday, as last Friday had me still in orientation week, which doesn't count for much of anything.  Also, it was my first SAO (Student Activities Organization) experience.  But mostly, it was the first time I had ever seen that bit of mastery that is Tony Stark.  I mean, Robert Downey Jr. is okay looking, but strap him in to whatever that glowy thing was and teach him how to fly, and suddenly I have a huge urge to become Shion Uzuki just so that we may cross paths someday.  (Unravel that skein of thought, I dare you.)   The movie was fantastic, as was the discussion we had back in the dorm lobby about the obviously misogynistic script-writer.  But then again, what Marvel Comic is not misogynistic?  

    Saturday night I went to Meijer's and made my first replenishment journey, stocking up on Ramen and popcorn and various other foodstuffs.  I thought I had stocked up sufficiently on chips as well, but alas, when I took my new stores into the lobby for a late night snack around the developing monopoly game, I lost them forever.  I was very surprised they lasted as long as they did, actually, with all the men unleashed in the room, but evidently the word "veggie" is a deterrent for many.  But they all eventually gave in and then devoured.  I'm glad I could spread the love.

    Today I went to church for the first time in a small caravan (a Grand Prix, actually) that took speed bumps at exactly 25 mph, much to the chagrin of the tall Canadian in the back who is now recovering from a slight concussion.  We went to Madison Square Church, and I really enjoyed myself.  Their mission is diversity, so they have different styles of worship every week, and this week was Gospel...ish.  Well, as Gospel as I've ever seen coming from a predominantly white church in the suburbs.  I hope to go there next week too, for as they say, two points make a line.

    I also did laundry for the first time, and stripped and remade my bed.  It was beautifully exhausting, so I've been using this blogging time as a chance to cool off and cultivate a less disgusting smell.  

    I have just one last assignment to finish up today, and it's due Tuesday, so I'm not worried, but I should probably do it.  So, ta.

<3 spadeALLcross

If I ran the Interwebs...

    On Friday morning we had a worship session in the chapel before our service projects downtown, and the first song the married couple on stage played for us was "This Little Light of Mine." Now, maybe I'm biased, but that is possibly the hokiest song to sing at an adult worship service. Not only that, but the guy at least was really getting into it, adding his own little ad lib parts and singing "hallelujah, Jesus!" and very odd moments. I was taken aback, and slightly distressed, thinking maybe this is what my life is going to be like for the next four years. Next came "Lean on Me" and I nearly cried.  But since then, things have looked up for the most part.  If "Jesus Loves Me" comes up, though, I may be forced to transfer...

    "Firefly" has become a floor-wide tradition every night.  We pull out the 15" MacBook pro, a well-packaged DVD, and gather around the lobby for 45 minutes, sharing the ups and downs of Captain Malcolm Reynolds and Zoe and Wash, and it's just a good time.  If you haven't seen "Firefly," get a bunch of your nerdiest friends together, preferably late at night, and plop down in a comfy couch for a while.  You'll like it, if not love it at least.

    It's almost funny how very small the world is.  How no matter where you go, how far away from home or familiarity you find yourself, you'll always and usually unexpectedly find something or someone that is immediately and eerily recognizable to you.  You'll meet someone who watched the same obscure movie as you did when you were little, or see someone on the street wearing your favorite t-shirt, or you'll discover that a restaurant you thought was one-of-a-kind is really a very small franchise, with only two other outlets, one being right down the street from your new place.  

   Almost funny.  It's sometimes very sad.  It sometimes breaks your heart.  Because maybe you're not running away from something, but when it does come back to you in this place where you thought you were unreachable, you're so overwhelmed by its sudden reappearance that every emotion it ever stirred in you is brought back tenfold, and in this new environment, there's no one there who understands.

    That's my tattoo.  I got it in July, and I don't know why I didn't mention it here.  But there it is.  It's the reason I sign all my posts "spadeALLcross."  It's like those little brain teaser things you used to do as a kid.

    Well, I've got a fair helping of homework to get to, so I'm going to get to it.

<3 spadeALLcross

"You have to leave the ground to learn to fly."

    Well, gents.  I'm in love.  It's official.  That unnamed man I mentioned yesterday, the man with whom I'm going to settle down?  Well, I met him today.  We're going to get married, buy ourselves a farm in West Virginia, have six kids, go to church together every Sunday, and live happily ever after for the rest of eternity.

    His name is Gino.  He's in the CCC, building a national park for FDR.  Oh, right, and he's fictional.  I can't find an adequate picture of him from the show, so you'll just have to use your imagination, I guess.  

    But he stayed with the Waltons for a couple days after he sprained his ankle in their woods (while in a knife fight with John Boy, beeteedubs) and he was all defensive and aloof, but then when Elizabeth's raccoon, Pete died, he was very sensitive and understanding, trying to explain death to her in a way she could understand, even though, throughout the entire episode, he acted like he didn't care about her.  

    I don't know...he was inspiring.  A very cheesy, over-used character, fo shiz, but...I don't know.  Something about his hermit-like existence...it got to me.  Anyway, moving on.  Quickly.

    I've found my new favorite hobby.  Sadly, it's going to be short-lived under the circumstances, but I suppose that's a good thing, too.  See, I was driving my friend home tonight after he hung out at my house for a bit, playing the video games, you know, and as I turned the corner to return home, Lay it On Me came on my CD (a song that, if you're observant or friendly, you will have noticed is one of my favorites right now).  I had this long open, dark road in front of me, but as the song ripped away at my speakers, I felt the road was not long enough, so I continued past my street on into the night.

     I'm addicted.

    To this.  

    It's bad for the environment to use that much gas, I know, and my mom was waiting up for me, and we're giving Cameron (my car) away to a charity since his plates expire at the end of the month, and I love driving fast, which is desperately unsafe at night in the suburbs (all the ridiculous I'm-cool-because-I-haven't-fallen-asleep-yet youngsters running rampant and such, you know how it is) but I can't help it.  Long stretches of almost-empty road, the cool, humid air whistling past the just-open-enough windows, the disapproving looks from older drivers at stoplights when they feel my base pumping the cement around us...it's what I imagine to be intoxicating.

    You know that there are just some situations in which you find yourself where you feel like if you leave voluntarily, you'll miss something huge, life-changing, momentous, or in some way important.  Certain songs play, and you feel like they have a destiny, like they belong in a special place or time, like only on the road, or only when you're reading, or only when you're lonely and would rather burrow into the deepest, loneliest part of yourself than try to face the deeper places outside.  Feelings, both sensory and emotional, wash over you, and suddenly every nerve in your skin feels raw, like every brush of air stings wounds that have never really healed.  That's what the drive felt like to me tonight.  I drove for more miles than I dared, but fewer than I would have liked to.

    And it hurt to stop, but I did.  After several Paramore songs and All Over You, to name a few, I finally pulled into my driveway and begrudgingly turned the key in the ignition.  And a little part of me died.

    I've only got four days left with my car.  It makes me want to cry.  No joke.  

    But Gino will get me through it, I'm sure.

<3 spadeALLcross