Brains are frustrating things. What with hormones, subjectivity, and the overall inescapableness of my own mind, I never know what's
true and what's me confusing myself. For instance, right now, I think I'm mad at someone, and I think I have good reason, but he's so confused as to why I'm mad, I can't help but wonder which one of us is right. And of course, as I sink lower and lower into my anger, it turns into sadness, and as sadness takes over, everything makes me sad, and so, by the time I'm at my lowest point, there will be nothing that can get me out, but there might have been nothing substantial that actually got me there, either.
Also, I'm not very good at staying angry so it just turns into overall melancholy. And what is the point of that? Melancholy doesn't give you energy or spur you on to do productive things, you can't misdirect melancholy towards anyone and get righteously stirred up...melancholy just makes you want to go to bed at 10:00 at night. Ugh. If my emotions are going to hide their origins from me, I'd like them to at least do work for me.
Ah well. 1.5 weeks left before I'm out of this place and back where things at least used to make sense.
<3 spadeALLcross
1 comment:
You're probably right. If you're upset, there's a reason. Whether he knows it or not, doesn't matter. Until you hear his side, be mad. If when you talk about it you understand where he's coming from, you can change your mind and apologize.
Also, melancholy spurs lots of great art, so...yeah.
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